Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize