the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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