Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
