my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
