who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
