he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
