is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
