I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize