she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
