Swine flu. Run for my life!
My balls are so social today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
