the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
