Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I just sharted jello shots
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