my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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