I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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