I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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