so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
