Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
