I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
