You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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