Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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