i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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