Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
