Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
