If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
