bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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