i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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