Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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