i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
