took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
