that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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