He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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