So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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