the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could fuck to npr.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
