You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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