it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
