I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
