mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it hurts more in the daytime
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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