My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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