im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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