sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
