I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
