So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have fence marks all over my body
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
