does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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