and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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