i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
