Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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