the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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