Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
