Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it hurts more in the daytime
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize