She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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