Joe is yelling at the trees again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
