I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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