just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
