you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
