At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
