I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
