Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
