you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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