god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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